Last year on this very day I shut down my old blog. A lot had happened around that time, both close to home and in the world, and I just decided I was finished doing something I didn’t really enjoy that took me away from my family. Life is too short. So I published this post, walked away from the internet and enjoyed one of our little family’s most magical Christmases yet.
It was liberating and scary. I felt guilty and a little sheepish.
Had I been rash? Would people think I was crazy?
More importantly, where will I find my new creative outlet? And how on earth am I going to wrap up three years of blog entries as a gift for my girls?
As it turns out, book publishing companies like Blurb are compatible with wordpress.com but not self-hosted sites on wordpress.org. So in an attempt to save my work and eventually bind the special posts into books for Lily and Sophie, I downloaded my entire site, removed it from wordpress.org and stuck it back in its original home (circa 2009).
And then I discovered that most of the photos didn’t transfer because, apparently, they lived on the server of the hosting company with whom I no longer have a contract. So what you’ll see on that old site is patchy. Lots of words with big empty spaces where photos used to be. I’m hoping with all my heart that these download files sitting on my hard drive still contain my photos and that I can somehow (magically?) transfer everything back to wordpress.org someday and recover my entire site. Wishful thinking?
Okay. Back on track …
By March of last year, I was itching to publish. I love to write and take pictures. Doing those things is an important part of who I am. And so very therapeutic. So I snuck back onto the internet and created this little site. I started out thinking I would curate happy stuff from around the web and share it here. Spread sunshine, in a small way. I found yummy (easy) recipes and funny videos and gorgeous stories that made me smile, and I posted them here.
I didn’t tell anyone for a little while because I wanted to see how it felt and to be sure that jumping back into blogging was a good idea.
Then I told a few family members and close friends, and after their flood of support, which brought me to tears each and every time, I told the larger world (i.e. Facebook).
After a while, I started writing in this space about my family, sharing silly photos and generally keeping it light. Then I couldn’t help it. I kept writing about my girls, my husband, our little life. About milestones and setbacks and love. And this site changed.
Really, the only category here should be “heart,” because that’s what I love most to write about.
But I’m not giving up on the others quite yet, because I also love food and crafting and stalking Etsy. And I want to share those things here. It warms my heart when someone approaches me and says, “I tried that recipe on your blog, and it was awesome.” And, even better, when someone discovers Posy for the first time and falls in love (just like I am).
This site doesn’t take me away from anyone or anything important to me. I write when I want to write. I edit photos when I have time.
I feel inspired and happy and I love this space. It’s like a giant hug from me to myself (and to you, of course). I am not nearly as active on social media as I was a year ago. I feel a little guilty for pretty much abandoning Twitter, but I’ve found a happy new home on Instagram that is much more focused on community and friendship. And, Facebook, well, I log in when I can. So if you message me and I don’t respond for four days, that’s the only reason why.
It’s funny. I still have to resist the urge to document every single detail of my life for publication online. My blog-brain whispers to me that my kids should be in matching striped jammies as they open their gifts on Christmas morning so the pictures will be perfectly clever and adorable. But my normal-human-being-brain, thank goodness, says who cares if the kids don’t match and the photos are dark or blurry. What’s more important is that I get my face out from behind the camera and be in the middle of the action. Of course I’ll take pictures on Christmas morning. But I won’t take 200 and stress over the lighting and Lily’s hair and capturing every single moment for the blog.
My old internet home became all about pleasing others — sponsors, brands, even family and friends — and the stress just about swallowed me whole. It was difficult to write from my heart without a million little censors sitting on my shoulder. And the pressure I put on myself to monetize my website (because EVERYONE else was doing it) was ridiculous.
I got caught up. And eventually I wanted out.
I just had to give myself permission to step away from the fray and figure out how to be a creative person while at the same time paying attention to what’s really important: family, friends, my real job (that I happen to love), MYSELF.
One year ago today, I vowed to be more present in my life.
And I am. So very happily.
Thank you for sticking around to see what’s around the corner over here. You just never know.